I have always had strange dreams, but this weekend I had a dream that is still haunting me. I dreamt that my late father would join us for christmas. He just appeared and we had a joyous, great time together, but when christmas ended, he simply had to leave us - again. He became translucent and just vanished.

This was the first time I acually felt pain, despair while dreaming. When I woke up not the dream but this incredibly painful moment when I had to realise that he would once again leave my life stuck with me.

The things the death of a loved one does to you…